I just finished watching this show and I am blown away. I love the way it explores the different ways people deal with grief and trauma, as well as the complicated aspect of loving a king who you can never have.

I'll get the first part out of the way; the different manifestations of trauma. Trauma is a huge part of the show, it shaped the people's personalities, it's the root of their goals and ambitions. An important thing that wasn't shown much in the show was Crown Prince Sado, whose death is the reason why most of these people came to be. Crown Prince Sado was someone who was severely mentally troubled due to the pressures on him by his father, Yeongjo. This anxiety caused him to lash out often, making him unstable. This is why he raped and murdered much of the palace staff. And this is why King Yeongjo ultimately executes him.

This trauma is what shaped San as a person and as a king. His father was killed so easily by his grandfather, and his grandfather routinely abused him as he was growing up.

San decided that he had to be the perfect prince and be the person his country needed to be, to not be like Sado and to also escape the wrath of Yeongjo. This is why he acts the way he does, he obeyed much of the rules of the palace, and he became a person who is strict and a little pompous about rules. Because he knows what happens when you don't follow them.

Palace life is difficult for a prince whose life is easily taken away by the ultimate decision of one man.

Deokim becomes his saviour, both physically and emotionally. She is a breath of fresh air, smart, kind and someone San has never known in the palace because of the fragility of close relationships. Deokim has suffered trauma too; her father was executed because she was the late Crown Prince Sado's guard. Her life was also ruined by Yeongjo, and yet she doesn't bear any resentments towards him because of that.

With San, she is someone who is brave enough to argue with him, and to tell him that while his life is important, hers is too. Which is why she rejects him, time and time again, but not because she doesn't love him; but because she does.

Being in love with the King means that you will have to share him. He will never be yours even if you are his. The life of the palace is unfair and Deokim knows that. But when given the choice of becoming his concubine or never seeing him again (at the palace), she chooses the former. It's because she does love him dearly, despite what many viewers might think, and what San himself might think. Everything she did was by her own choice. And that's what made Deokim such a powerful person.

I enjoyed this so much because I've been waiting for a sageuk that's a little more serious than what we've been getting lately. I love how complicated the story was, about a court lady who loved a king, but it was also simple. It was about a man and a woman who loved each other dearly, even if they couldn't or wouldn't show it.