Compelling addition to films about loss and grief
(some tiny spoilers ahead)
The premise is in general nothing new – death of a loved one, grief and eventual healing with additional homosexual aspect and Dear Ex does a great job of meeting the viewer´s expectations and even surpassing them in some aspects and definitely not just because of the gay motif. Far from it.
What I appreciated the most was the fact that even though the film uses the perspective of the teenage son, i. e. a naïve narrator, the voices of other characters were not reduced or deformed by his emotional state and age. The film manages to gently sketch the experience, reasonings and back stories of all of them without being too obvious or kitschy. The best example would be the mother – pushy, always unsatisfied, angry and slightly OCD, on first glance the stereotypical stepmother, but through the story you are gently reminded of her own troubles, worries etc. without disregarding her son´s unhappiness or the fact that her personality is not the best one in the world. Which was another exhilarating moment for me – the fact that her personality did not change, the only thing that changes is her son´s and ours (as viewers) understanding of her ( in this way the film abandoned the judgement of good and bad, as it often is with the strict-mother trope; similar things can be said about other characters too).
The story itself is simple and relies heavily on showing (bits and pieces) and not telling. As a result, you are left with a constantly changing mosaic of several intertwined lives filled with not bad but sometimes slightly problematic decisions (the most obvious one would be the dead man but the same goes for all the other characters). And the result is the most beautiful ambiguity. I truly enjoyed how the film played around with the good guy-bad guy thing, turning it on its head. The role of the bad guy being passed around from one character to another, not really sticking to anyone, even when they tried. Same as with who loved him first – it is simply unanswerable.
As a side note – the therapist was wonderful! Finally, a psychologist who seems like they know what they are doing – no ego trips, no motivational silliness or plain incompetence as it is common in cinematography. And on top of that, they were able to make her a essential part of the narrative without portraying her profession in a disrespectful or clichéd manner (well, it would be better to call her a narrative device, I guess – sort of a second mirror for the family).
Overall, Dear Ex is a genre film and that brings certain limitations to innovation or surprises. Regardless, it does a great job delivering its promises. It takes you on a journey of grief and healing, its various forms based on age, gender, situation in life or personality. It is minimalistic and quite simplistic but still is able to sketch a complex story – a family drama, dealing with issues spanning from teenage rebellion and money, through societal pressure and sexual orientation to grief after the loss of a loved one, whether through death, affair or finding out about their secret. The main theme of death of a parent is quite complex, to add to it the problems of homosexuality (and not sounding cheap) and failing marriages in general without oversimplifying is quite the ordeal but Dear Ex managed to pull it off gently and authentically. Definitely worth the watch.
The premise is in general nothing new – death of a loved one, grief and eventual healing with additional homosexual aspect and Dear Ex does a great job of meeting the viewer´s expectations and even surpassing them in some aspects and definitely not just because of the gay motif. Far from it.
What I appreciated the most was the fact that even though the film uses the perspective of the teenage son, i. e. a naïve narrator, the voices of other characters were not reduced or deformed by his emotional state and age. The film manages to gently sketch the experience, reasonings and back stories of all of them without being too obvious or kitschy. The best example would be the mother – pushy, always unsatisfied, angry and slightly OCD, on first glance the stereotypical stepmother, but through the story you are gently reminded of her own troubles, worries etc. without disregarding her son´s unhappiness or the fact that her personality is not the best one in the world. Which was another exhilarating moment for me – the fact that her personality did not change, the only thing that changes is her son´s and ours (as viewers) understanding of her ( in this way the film abandoned the judgement of good and bad, as it often is with the strict-mother trope; similar things can be said about other characters too).
The story itself is simple and relies heavily on showing (bits and pieces) and not telling. As a result, you are left with a constantly changing mosaic of several intertwined lives filled with not bad but sometimes slightly problematic decisions (the most obvious one would be the dead man but the same goes for all the other characters). And the result is the most beautiful ambiguity. I truly enjoyed how the film played around with the good guy-bad guy thing, turning it on its head. The role of the bad guy being passed around from one character to another, not really sticking to anyone, even when they tried. Same as with who loved him first – it is simply unanswerable.
As a side note – the therapist was wonderful! Finally, a psychologist who seems like they know what they are doing – no ego trips, no motivational silliness or plain incompetence as it is common in cinematography. And on top of that, they were able to make her a essential part of the narrative without portraying her profession in a disrespectful or clichéd manner (well, it would be better to call her a narrative device, I guess – sort of a second mirror for the family).
Overall, Dear Ex is a genre film and that brings certain limitations to innovation or surprises. Regardless, it does a great job delivering its promises. It takes you on a journey of grief and healing, its various forms based on age, gender, situation in life or personality. It is minimalistic and quite simplistic but still is able to sketch a complex story – a family drama, dealing with issues spanning from teenage rebellion and money, through societal pressure and sexual orientation to grief after the loss of a loved one, whether through death, affair or finding out about their secret. The main theme of death of a parent is quite complex, to add to it the problems of homosexuality (and not sounding cheap) and failing marriages in general without oversimplifying is quite the ordeal but Dear Ex managed to pull it off gently and authentically. Definitely worth the watch.
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