Note: For now, this review covers only Ep. 1 to 6. It is a conversation between me and my friend, Taeko.

ME: Kimi to futari, hanauta majiri, kasanaru tabi, iro asakaya, kimi ga suki datta....

TAEKO: Oh for god's sake, are you still singing that song?

ME: Yes. What's more, I wrote down the lyrics, decoded the Kanji, translated it, and memorised the lines.

MY HUSBAND (from the kitchen): Neeeeeeeeeerd....

TAEKO: So, Happy of the End. I feel we aren't going to disagree much on this one.

ME: No! I don't know how the last two episodes will turn out, but so far, it might be among the best of the BLs I have ever seen. I wonder if it has the potential to be the best of the best.

TAEKO: Praise indeed! I'm surprised at how much they were able to pack into just 6 episodes so far... Even though I feel some things have been lost in the process.

ME: Like what?

TAEKO: Chihiro, for instance... His abandonment by his whole family, I think, deserves more attention, and more justice than the show has given it. It was limited to just a few scenes, and needed more emotional heft than that. On the other hand, you might be able to better relate to his being in love with a bisexual man than I can. Did the show come too close to suggesting, though, that bisexuals are just greedy and sleep around?

ME: No, I just think Shun'ichi is an arsehole, and deserves to be lonely forever.

TAEKO (laughing): I love it when you become catty. But Haoren's storyline -- it is very well done.

ME: Right? He might have the worst life it is possible to have in Japan. And just when you think that the show couldn't possibly go *there*, it goes there. I can't think of a taboo it hasn't touched... except, maybe, incest.

TAEKO: You never know. I'm still not sure if the guy who drops his trousers was his dad, step-dad, or someone else. However, I wanted to ask you something. You loathed Hanya Yanagihara's "A Little Life," because the protagonist, Jude, suffers physical and sexual abuse throughout the book. Just when you think Jude's life couldn't get any worse, it does. What's different about Haoren? Is this show not 'pain porn' too?

ME: I did think about it. But no. Jude's whole story of abuse is told from a purely psychological perspective. It was all about him, and how other people related to him. Besides, much of the book is about self-harm. Jude's only purpose in the book was to suffer, be god's gift to men, and to eat at posh restaurants. The book is set in wealthy Manhattan, and half of it was interior-porn, half food-porn. Not here. Both Chihiro and Haoren -- especially Haoren -- are victims of sociological problems, and societal structures (or strictures): Haoren's lack of koseki, for instance, or child trafficking, or poverty, or pervasive homophobia. Shinjuku is as much of a character in the show as Haoren or Chihiko. The whole neighbourhood and all the lives in it are impermanent and precarious. Hanya's New York is just a place for eating, shopping, and fucking. To put it another way, in "A Little Life", Jude cuts himself. Here, it is Maya's clients who cut Haoren.

TAEKO: Interesting. Speaking of Maya, Asari Yosuke is an amazing actor. As soon as he appeared on the screen, my hairs stood on end. That frog scene... Ewww.

ME: As is Kubota Yuki. Kaji is a fascinating character, because, unlike most other characters, his moral compass is not easily decipherable. He doesn't have the clarity that even Haoren has. He sends Haoren to Maya, and says something homophobic to Chihiro. He later repents of both, but it is not clear he might not do it all again. The writing could have been better in that scene, but I didn't think a BL was even capable of such subtle characterisations. Then there is also Yamanaka So as Matsuki -- another strange character. The simultaneous admixture of care and predation, of abuse and regret. His facial expressions were just superb. He convinced me in one minute why someone would *want* to be his pet.

TAEKO: But are we happy with the main actors?

ME: Beppu Yarai is a revelation for me. His eyes dance, his lips seduce, his body invites pity and sorrow. I'm less sure of Sawamura Rei.

TAEKO: I disagree. Rei was a revelation for me. You expect the hardened victim of child abuse and trauma to be this mere carapace of a human being, incapable of a smile, and incapable of hope. Haoren even declares himself to be so. But his actions belie his thought, and Rei captured that very well. And he's not this big, burly, intimidating, "blokey" bloke. His littleness and fragility are precisely what feel are subversive. Plus, you know how I love tiny tops.

ME: You're weird, you are. But I still think Rei might have been miscast. Do you have any reservations about the show itself?

TAEKO: I found the frequent flashbacks tiresome. Especially when it was repeating the same scenes of abuse. In a short series, every second is precious. I also thought the slaps and the hitting weren't convincing. They needed better stunt coordinators.

ME: I agree with the second point, but am willing to write it off as budgetary constraints. Besides, that scene with the man tied to the car, and the one with the suitcase, were horrific enough that I can never forget them. The flashbacks, though, I can explain.

TAEKO: How?

ME: I thought of it as repetition compulsion. You play the same traumatic moments over and over again in your head, and repeat them in life, in order to right the wrongs. Very common in PTSD.

TAEKO: You've told me about that, and I admit I can't wrap my head around it. But here, isn't that more of a generous interpretation on your part?

ME: Possibly.

TAEKO: Tell me though, didn't the inner monologues bother you? Where they tell, rather than show, everything? You used to say that it was a mark of the director's lack of confidence in himself or his actors.

ME: I could have done without it. But I do think that the decision to retain the basic structure of manga/BL storytelling, while trying to fit such an unusual story within it, might have been deliberate.

TAEKO: How so?

ME: Because it is jarring. The whole framework is jarring. The grammar of BL/Manga sets certain expectations for you, and their fossilised vocabularies then provoke predictable reactions to predictable events. Here, however, the grammar is there, but not the vocabulary. So, I don't necessarily feel the way I'm supposed to feel.

TAEKO: That *is* true, actually. I thought the portrayal of abuse was almost cold, clinical. And I didn't necessarily feel I needed to cry or be sad. It made me numb, which is perhaps how Haoren felt. Plus, there was no loud music to tell me how I ought to feel throughout the show.

ME: Can we talk about the music, and how good it is?

TAEKO: You're not going to start singing again, are you?

ME: No, I mean the background music. It wasn't particularly original -- there were those sustained guitar chords for the romance, and the xylophone ripples for Maya -- but it was atmospheric, and at least felt assonant with the plot.

TAEKO: You seem to like the show so much more than I do. Which is surprising. Because if anyone is a cynical arsehole between the two of us, it's you. If you weren't partial to this show, you wouldn't set aside so many of your pet peeves as you have done.

ME: You're probably right. But I must say, I wasn't thrilled with that white blanket scene, when they finally make love after Haoren has disclosed his wounds. After all that boldness on the streets, why this shyness between the sheets? Especially after the fleshlight scene, which was just... heartbreaking. I'm still holding out hope for a proper kiss, or another love scene. But if I don't get it, I might not be as livid as I normally get.

TAEKO: Again, not like you at all. Let's talk again next week. I'm sure we'll have more to talk about.

MY HUSBAND (setting the table): Neeeeeeeeeeeerds....